revision: style and usage

Early in the revision process, correct any weaknesses of the types listed below. This step may require recasting of parts or all of a sentence or paragraph, as well as significant deletions.

  • Unnecessarily long, complex sentences
  • Unacceptable neologisms or jargon:
    • People who are within five years of retirement will be attritted.
  • Long multiple-noun phrases
  • Verbiage and redundancy (“excessive verbiage”; “countries such as Japan, Indonesia, Malaysia, Singapore, etc.”)
  • Excessive repetition:
    • While most job seekers spend fewer than five hours a week looking for a job, job seeking is considered a full-time job in the Job Finding Club.
  • Ambiguity
  • Improper prepositional usage
  • Misuse of a word (e.g. affect/effect, amount/number and similar problems)
  • Lack of uniformity in terms used for the same concept ("eligibility for/admissibility to/right to benefits")
  • Gallicisms in vocabulary and syntax (“realize a project,” “training program of nurses”)
  • Wrong level of language or style, given end use of document
  • Mixed metaphors (“We must put our shoulders to the wheel and take the bull by the horns.”)
  • Uneuphonic effects:
    • Presentation of the new provincial prison program will be postponed pending further planning.

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