revision: style and usage
Early in the revision process, correct any weaknesses of the types listed below. This step may require recasting of parts or all of a sentence or paragraph, as well as significant deletions.
- Unnecessarily long, complex sentences
- Unacceptable neologisms or jargon:
- People who are within five years of retirement will be attritted.
- Long multiple-noun phrases
- Verbiage and redundancy (“excessive verbiage”; “countries such as Japan, Indonesia, Malaysia, Singapore, etc.”)
- Excessive repetition:
- While most job seekers spend fewer than five hours a week looking for a job, job seeking is considered a full-time job in the Job Finding Club.
- Improper prepositional usage
- Misuse of a word (e.g. affect/effect, amount/number and similar problems)
- Lack of uniformity in terms used for the same concept ("eligibility for/admissibility to/right to benefits")
- Gallicisms in vocabulary and syntax (“realize a project,” “training program of nurses”)
- Wrong level of language or style, given end use of document
- Mixed metaphors (“We must put our shoulders to the wheel and take the bull by the horns.”)
- Uneuphonic effects:
- Presentation of the new provincial prison program will be postponed pending further planning.
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© His Majesty the King in Right of Canada, represented by the Minister of Public Services and Procurement
A tool created and made available online by the Translation Bureau, Public Services and Procurement Canada
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